Proverbs 31:30-31

There’s an old saying you’ve probably heard: “Pretty is as pretty does.” Forrest Gump gave us the cousin version: “Stupid is as stupid does.” Either way, the idea is simple. It’s not the way you look that matters. It’s the way you live.

That truth is not new. In fact, it stands at the climax of the book of Proverbs:

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.” (Proverbs 31:30-31, NLT)

These verses invite us to consider the kind of beauty God himself praises.

The World of the Mirror

Some of our kids may be headed for trouble.

Social media use is now nearly universal among teenagers. Most teens have access to some social media platform, and many say they use social media almost constantly. This has become their world. And it is not the world many of us grew up in.

The online world is intensely visual. A lot of us scroll endlessly with the sound off. The image is everything. It is also relentlessly comparative. It compels you to compare appearances. Everybody else seems prettier, thinner, stronger, clearer-skinned, better dressed, better haired, more photogenic.

Artificially perfected images are normalized. Even though nobody really looks like that, the comparison compulsion is relentless.

And the online world is especially merciless toward female appearance. It is increasingly brutal for guys too, but I believe it is still more brutal for girls. Online, your appearance becomes public property. A girl posts a selfie on the way to school because she was feeling cute, and total strangers feel free to score and evaluate.

Too much makeup. Not enough makeup. Trying too hard. Not trying hard enough. Too skinny. Not skinny enough.

The humiliation ritual is voluntary, but it feels obligatory.

For girls online, the only thing worse than being seen is not being seen at all.

But that is the world’s perspective, and we are not the world. We are followers of Jesus and people of this book. So what does the word of God have to say about beauty? Who does beauty belong to? What does it mean to pursue it?

Beauty Is Vain

Proverbs 31 says, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last.” Older translations often say, “Beauty is vain.”

Now, when they hear “beauty is vain,” all the Kardashians of the world roll their eyes and think, “That’s what an ugly person would say.” According to the world’s thinking, the only people who would devalue beauty are the people who don’t have it.

But we are not the world.

The verse does not say beauty is bad. It says beauty as we know it is limited. It is fleeting. It is short-lived. You can see it and admire it, but you cannot keep it from fading away.

“Charm is deceptive.” We’re talking about the ability some people have to win people over, to light up a room—charisma, or rizz, as they call it now. Rizz is not a bad thing. But it can mislead you. To say a person has rizz does not tell you what kind of person they are.

Charm can lie.

Beauty will fade.

That is not cruelty. That is mercy. God tells us the truth before we waste our lives trying to build our souls on something too fragile to hold them.

The Woman Proverbs Praises

These words form the climax of Proverbs 31, the long acrostic poem that begins in verse 10. It is a much-loved and much-misunderstood passage.

For years, Proverbs 31 has been delivered from Christian pulpits as if it were a job chart for wives and mothers. But it is not the Old Testament’s version of a “trad wife.” The book of Proverbs is a book about wisdom. It begins and ends with wisdom personified—presented as a person—to show us what wisdom looks like when it gets up and goes to work.

Proverbs begins by saying, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge” (Proverbs 1:7). It ends by showing us what a woman who fears the Lord looks like.

That is the point.

The woman of Proverbs 31 fears God and lives out, in her own context, the characteristics of godly wisdom. She is active and relational. She is courageous and generous. She is hard-working, compassionate, strong, and dignified.

This is the kind of beauty God praises.

Not because she sews and cooks a country breakfast every morning. That is not the point. The point is character. Wisdom. Strength. Dignity. Generosity. Faithfulness.

You are not an object to optimize but a person to present to God.

The issue is not whether you are a girl who likes clothes and makeup. The issue is the way you are being trained and discipled daily by a whole system of self-display that prizes fit checks and glow-ups over the formation of Christ in you.

In a world that rewards rizz and appearance, the church’s countercultural duty is to point to Proverbs 31 and say, “This is what we celebrate in women.”

Don’t seek praise for how you look. Seek praise for who you are and what you do with all the strength and gifts God gives you.

Beauty Has a Source

Beauty is real. It is worthy. And it has a source.

David says the one thing he wants most is to behold the beauty of the Lord (Psalm 27:4). Paul says the glory of God is seen in the face of Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 4:6).

That means beauty is real, but it is not ultimate unless it leads us to Christ.

Every created beauty is borrowed beauty. A beautiful face, beautiful hair, beautiful skin, a beautiful painting, a beautiful song, a beautiful act of kindness—all of it is reflection.

You are not the sun. You are the moon. You shine by reflected glory.

The trouble begins when the moon tries to become the sun.

That is what the world asks of women every day. Be the beauty. Be the image. Be the brand. Be the object of desire. Be attractive enough, polished enough, young enough, thin enough, interesting enough, desirable enough.

Proverbs tells the truth: charm can lie, and beauty will fade.

But the gospel tells the deeper truth: the glory of Christ does not fade.

Don’t chase beauty. Run after Jesus. Fear the Lord. Let his Spirit form his beauty in you: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

That is not less beautiful than pretty hair and clear skin.

That is beauty finally flowing from its source.

Beauty the Mirror Cannot Measure

Charm is deceptive. Beauty does not last. But a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

Does that mean God doesn’t want you to be beautiful?

In truth, it is God telling you where beauty is found and how you can receive it—a beauty radiant and rooted in him.

They say, “Pretty is as pretty does,” and there is truth in the saying. But the beauty God praises does not begin with powders, potions, procedures, filters, followers, or the approval of strangers.

Beauty begins with Christ.

Look to him. Run after him. Fear the Lord. And as you behold his glory, he will form his beauty in you until your life begins to shine with his own loveliness.

That is beauty the mirror cannot measure and time will never fade.

In Christ,

Pastor Tim