Keeping the Score

Growing up, we had this old Yahtzee game in the house. Every time we opened the box, there

were score sheets from years ago tucked inside. Nobody ever threw them away; they just

stayed there, waiting for the game to come out again. For a lot of people, their hearts work the

same way. They’re holding on to old scores, rehashing past hurts and keeping track of wrongs

done to them. Love doesn’t keep score like that, but we often do.

If that’s you, it’s time to stop. But how? Forgiveness starts by remembering this: You were

forgiven first. Ephesians 4:32 tells us, “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one

another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Long before you were hurt, you were an

offender in need of grace. Long before you were called to forgive, you received God’s

forgiveness.

Forgiveness is like electricity; it’s designed to flow in a circuit—from God, through us, to others.

If that circuit is broken, forgiveness doesn’t flow. That’s why Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive

us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Forgiveness isn’t optional. If

the flow stops with us, it stops for us.

Hurting, Hating, and Healing

Forgiveness doesn’t become real until someone hurts you. That’s when the hard work begins.

Most people find it easier to throw away the friendship than to do the hard work of forgiving.

But we’re not most people. We’re God’s people.

When you’re hurt, you face a choice: hang on to the hurt or hang on to the friend. Why do we

so often choose the hurt? Maybe it makes us feel superior: “I wouldn’t treat a dog the way they

treated me.” Maybe it gives us an excuse—a reason to stay distant, drop out of church, or

justify being unkind. Anger can even feel intimate, like a strange connection to the person who

hurt us. But here’s the truth: anger is nothing like love, and it never heals.

Forgiveness starts in your heart. It’s a deliberate, non-negotiable decision. Sometimes it’s

helpful to forgive in advance—to ask God to give you the power to forgive before you’re even

hurt. That’s what Jesus taught us to pray: “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who

trespass against us.” It’s a daily prayer because forgiveness isn’t one and done. It’s often

messy and slow. Some wounds take longer to heal, and some apologies never come. But

forgiveness can happen inside you, even if the pain lingers.

So how do you do it? Start by gathering up all the old scorecards and throwing them away.

Forgiveness isn’t forgetting, but it does mean choosing not to bring it up again. Let go of the

past and begin here, on this side of the pain. It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, but

Jesus gives you the power to do it. And friendship is worth it. Show me two good friends, and

I’ll show you two good forgivers.

Forgiveness: A Gift Freely Given

In the end, forgiveness is a gift. You don’t give it to manipulate someone or to make them feel

guilty. You don’t give it because they deserve it. You give it because God gave it to you first.

Forgiveness is grace, freely given without strings attached. That’s how the Father forgave you,

and that’s how you’re called to forgive.

So, who’s holding your old scorecards? Maybe it’s time to let them go. Forgive, not because

it’s easy, but because it’s the only way to heal—for yourself, for your friends, and for your walk

with God.

By Pastor Tim